Wednesday, December 14, 2011

As Night Begins

Days end
At the store
I turn out the lights
I make sure that I lock the door


Brian said...

Intriguing how each line does its work yet stands in close relation to the line above and/or below it. The Fibonacci seems to facilitate such connections while gaining natural momentum and closure.

A fine poem that has stayed with me all evening.


Jim714 said...

Thanks, Brian, for your thoughtful post. I think the challenge of the Fibonacci is how to handle the first four lines. These are what I call 'very short'; meaning less than four syllables. The count is 1-1-2-3. Through practice with the form I have developed certain rules of thumb. First, I avoid using articles; 'the' and 'a'. I also avoid prepositions and pronouns. These parts of speech tend to link too closely to the following line so that the lineation looks arbitrary. The model I use for the first four lines is the list; particularly something like a shopping list. Each item on a shopping list is meaningful in the sense that is leading somewhere, but each item is also distinct.

Not everyone agrees with this approach, but it's what has evolved for me over time.

Thanks again,